Puppies have different needs from humans. Contrary to what most new puppy owners think, building leadership and trust is not based on affection in the dog world. It is based on other factors like your emotions, your body language, how well you give guidance and instruction, how you can support the puppy to learn, your level of patience, and how much you respect your puppy.
Expecting too much from your puppy too fast and getting frustrated at them shows your puppy a sign of weakness. Your puppy is new to the world and looking to you for guidance.
To properly raise a well-balanced and obedient puppy, you must learn how to display a calm sense of confidence to the puppy. This means never yelling at them, never hitting them, and never getting angry at them.
Before you decide to get frustrated at your puppy for making mistakes, think about this. Your puppy does not know anything when they come into your home. They didn’t learn English, are likely not potty trained, have no socialization skills, and probably have never been on a leash. They are like a newborn child who has to be taught to walk, speak, and learn.
Most humans have 13 years of public school, an average of 4 years of college, and maybe some specialty training. However, many new puppy owners expect the puppy to learn everything within weeks, and if they don’t, they give up. This is where understanding how dogs learn and having patience come into play. Setting realistic expectations the minute you take ownership of your new puppy is essential.
One more thing to mention is that when I discuss leadership, I am not referring to pack leaders, alpha dogs, or anything that incorporates dominance into the relationship between you and your puppy.
How to Build Leadership
Think about the great leaders of our time and what qualities they possess—confidence, calmness, good communication skills, discipline, structure, and mindfulness. You can use these qualities when raising your puppy. Failure to be this type of leader for your puppy means they may not learn properly and could develop serious behavior issues as an adult dog.
My relationship with my dog Dixie, whom I have had for 2 years, is fantastic. I have used these leadership skills to raise her since she was ten weeks old. I showed her the way, and she’s easily the most obedient, social, and calm dog most people will ever meet.
My last dog Spaulding was a Lab Mix that I rescued in May 2008. Our relationship was solid as a rock and apparent when we were in public together. I took him everywhere, and he was always calm, balanced, and obedient. He never had any behavior problems and was very easy to live with. He passed in April 2020, and I still miss him and think about him a lot.
Leadership is a skill that has to be learned. You understand leadership if you have owned a company and successfully managed people. If you have raised kids, then you have the qualities. Anyone in the military clearly understands leadership. Learn to tap into those skills and use them to raise your puppy.
I learned leadership skills from studying martial arts starting when I was 19. I took lessons from a Korean Grand Master in Tae Kwon Do for ten years, who not only taught his students how to defend themselves but also to become great leaders. I use these leadership skills to train dogs and raise my own. If you have studied martial arts, you know that a master does not get angry, frustrated, or lose their temper. They stay grounded, balanced, and confident at all times.
There are a lot of good books on developing leadership skills. It might be a good idea to read some of these books or take a course on how to be an effective leader. These books may not be directed at raising puppies. However, the skill set is the same.
The way to build leadership with your puppy is to learn and practice the mentioned skills. I could write an entire book on this topic and may do that in the future. For now, my goal is simply to give you some basic information to get started and allow you to take it from there.
How to Build Trust
When you purchase or adopt a puppy, your main objective is to give that puppy a great home. As the owner and leader, the puppy begins to respect you for taking care of them. This happens over time; once they see and feel how you provide them with food, shelter, love, guidance, and positive reinforcement, they do an excellent job with obedience and discipline.
Puppies tend not to respect humans who yell at them, hit them, or treat them poorly. Trust is not built through negative emotions or frustration towards your puppy. I know it can be challenging to keep your cool when they have peed in your house, chewed up your carpets, and play-bite so hard that it leaves scars. In these circumstances, you must stay calm and confident that these behaviors will pass once you train the puppy to make better decisions. I will talk about this in the chapter on Behavior Modification.
Using leash training skills, you can develop a high level of trust. Walking your puppy in a calm, mindful, and relaxed manner will immediately build confidence in your puppy, which will also transfer indoors. Your energy and emotions transfer through the leash to the puppy, so you want to ensure you stay positive to help build the puppy's trust in you. The chapter on Leash Training will discuss this in more detail.
Another way to build trust is training the basic obedience commands of sit, down, stay, and come. Once the puppy is doing the behaviors you want, and they are praised and rewarded for that, their trust in you begins to build. You have asked them to do something, and in return, you kept your part of the deal to reward them. The puppy will begin to respect you with each training session, which builds trust.
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